The Secret of Comedy
1. Nine Minus Seven is Two
2. The Secret of Suicide
3. Midnight
4. Strings
5. I Can Watch
6. Who Are You Today
7. The Secret of the Band
8. Wishing Well


all lyrics © Kramer
Tess Music, BMI
(adm. by Bug Music)





This drug was making my stomach turn
That drug was making me dumb
I remember my Dad working overtime
Banging the opening drum
Everything made me feel far away
Far enough even for you
I still remember my number, I think
It was Nine Minus Seven Is Two
Saturday morning in street clothes
Friday night totally nude
Drugs never gave me the feeling
Never put me in the mood
Sunshine is swallowing her Ecstasy
Freedom is doing his (Qual)'Ludes
Drugs are whatever works good for you
Proving that nothing is new
I have a friend in a nuthouse in Paris
Strapped to his bed all alone
Pack up your troubles and sail away
Yankee it's time to go home
When I'm unconscious I'm listening
Listening patiently to
Numbers that skip like stone on a lake
Nine Minus Seven Is Two
You know I was smoking my life away
Thinking that nothing was true
This guitar solo is killing me
Why can't he just get it right
Probably 'cuz I don't pay him enough
But I'll make him stay here all night
I call this place Noise New Jersey
This is my prison it's true
I wish my father could see me now
See what a guitar can do
Everything seems to make sense now
Everyone laughing but you
I could care less what you think about
'Cuz I'm in a room with a view


If the sky is grey
Or if you're having a terrible day
What would the blind man do
If you cut off his arms and legs?
How many chickens lay how many eggs?
Better not tell me
I don't wanna know
You and your family
You know where to go
I'm not talking funny, I mean what I say
Now repeat after me, it's the only way
You got to end it today…
You got to send her away
You got to do what we say
That's all we've got to say
We don't wanna discuss it no more
Why waste another day lapping grey skies and silver rain
Let's take a one-way bus
The one that doesn't come back
We're in the Grand Hotel
But when will Eddie (G) call back?
You got to end it today…
You got to do just what we say
You got end it today
You got to send her away…
That's all we've got to say


Midnight is creeping up on us
I wish that someone could show us
Secrets like Comedy tell us
How to be funny yet serious
I never learned how to communicate
So I only know how to irritate
Girls think I'm ugly and they throw up
Boys want to kill me or beat me up
I want to go home now
To my Mother - How Freudian!
I want to die just like GG
And go to Heaven - How Jungian!
I know I could learn a thing or two
This song is full of cliches it's true
But I know that every word leads to you
So can't you stop asking me why I'm so blue
Women walk by and I covet them
How can I make that mistake again?
Jesus said things that we should never do
But he never slept on the floor next to you
I wanna go now
Go somewhere, But I don't know
I don't wanna sing anymore so I'll stop now
And fade OUT!
Sorry I lied about fading out
Just like the politicians you read about
Why don't we try it the Roman Way
Fiddling around till our world burns away


Strings attach me like a rope
It’s made of rubber bands
and circumstances way beyond our control
Strings are breaking on guitars and basses, too
And I can see you turning different colors
Now you're blue
Everything is breaking up
and all I'm doing is taking up space
No matter where I am
What'd I say?
I can't tell the difference between black & white
Not 'til you put them under the light
So I can see the contrast they make
I can feel strings holding me back from my destiny
From something I don't wanna be
I would rather fish all day and whisper all the hours away
Than stay here in New York or Jersey
Strings are tugging left and right
Keeping me awake at night
Telling me that I'm no good for you
Stupid Summer long ago
I've forgotten but you know
Strings are still attached to Me and You…
Nothing phases me no more
Wait 'til you see what I've got in store
Not just for the planet, but for You
I can make you shine so bright
As you anticipate the night we DO IT
On the floor beside the bed
Baby you never felt so good
At least not here in the neighborhood
Nothing but punks and poets hangin' 'round
I love my stupid attitude
It's easy to be mean and crude
Strings are still attached to Me and You…


I was alone in the winter
Long before anyone knew
I slept alone and forever and ever
Thought I had something to prove
Everyone said I was crazy
Staying with you for so long
But I was in love with you, Sheena
If you don't believe me, you're wrong
I feel the wind on my belly
I feel the cold without you
Saying goodbye is forever and ever
How will I find someone new?
Fear is a lie we believe in
Telling ourselves 'til it's true
Forever and ever our lives come together
How will I live without you?
How can I tell you I love you?
Kisses I gave you to keep
The years run away like a dog
on the day that the family puts him to sleep
Where do I kindle the fire?
Under which tree shall I lay?
Under which mountains and highways
I beg you to show me the way
Bitter the pill that I swallow
Endless the path that I tread
Pain is the shadow I follow and follow
Follow until I am dead
I can watch over me better
But I'm not enjoying the view
I can watch over my body
But I cannot stop watching You
No I can't stop watching You
I cannot stop watching You


Who are You today?
Who were You yesterday?
What you know you know you know
Can't you see we only think of You?
None of this makes any sense
This makes very little sense
Wasting precious little time
Searching for the words that rhyme
What you know you know you know
Can't you see only think of You?
Who are You today?
Who were You yesterday?
What you know you know you know you know…
Can't you see we only think of You?
Who are You today?
Who were You yesterday?
Are we who we say?
Or do we fade away?
Who are you today?
Who were you yesterday?
Who are you today?
Who are you today?
Can't you see we only think of You?


Billion Dollar Band we saw you comin'
Saw you walkin' on the lake
We thought you all were joking
But that was all that we could take
You came and took the kids away
You took them by the ears
Fred and Ginger saw you comin'
So they locked up all the doors
They made believe they weren't home
Until you went away
Until you went away
The girl I want is Mary Anne
She's the singer in the Billion Dollar Band
I wish I never ever heard of them before
I wish they never sent me a tape
I wish for many things
So you came and took the kids away
You took them by the ears
The more you sang your silly songs
The more you bored us all to tears
Fred and Ginger saw you comin'
So they locked up all the doors
'Til you went away…


Last night I found a wishing well
I'll bet you know the things I wish for
I think of you until my body swells
I think you know just what I wish for
If everybody had a wishing well
Then the world would be OK
Still you promise all the things you can't provide
But I'll survive if I can touch you
I want you everywhere until the day is done
I want to tie you up and love you
I want the angels to escort me all the way
Inside you body where I love you
If this disturbs you I can easily walk away
If this pleases you I'll stay
I know you'll never ask me for the time of day
You know my name
Look up my number
There is time for this but no time left for that
Too Much Sleep under the ocean
When I wish for things that never come to pass
The loneliness comes back
Last night I fell into the wishing well
I doubt you even care
I learned a lesson here tonight under the moon
I hear the howling of the wolves